I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
