hotel room ftw
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
