dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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