The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
