First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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