it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
