smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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