thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
