it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
