do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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