it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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