my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
