just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize