She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
