sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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