Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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