Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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