I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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