i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
