So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
