So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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