Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
