he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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