I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so let's talk penis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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