im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
