Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
