I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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