so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
