so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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