Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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