dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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