I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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