So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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