I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bang-toberfest begins!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
