i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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