This gyro tastes like lonliness
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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