it wasn't lemon gatorade
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
