someone threw a dead crab at me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
