I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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