he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
