it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
