Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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