yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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