i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
