he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
