ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
