I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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