weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently you make a good broom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
