Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
