If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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