I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
