you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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