And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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