i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
