On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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