Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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