PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
