New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize