i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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