I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
