We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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