I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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