You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
