Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This toilet bowl is my home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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