I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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