Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
