What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
