you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
