My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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