Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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