I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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