I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
