We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
