Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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