forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
