apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
