So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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