Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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