if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
