i just google imaged poop.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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