I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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