i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
