i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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