soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
